THE TRANSFER SAGA AS IT IS!

Marvellous successes in the sporting fields of rugby, cycling, tennis and cricket have all combined under gloriously blue skies (okay, it might have been raining in Australia) to provide an uplifting summer for British sports fans. The arrival of a little chap called George has hardly dampened the spirits either.
Yet, notable by its absence from the list of contributing factors to the soaring levels of giddy good vibes is our national game, which has only succeeded in providing misery in spades; failures at U21, U20 and the senior women's levels have left many wondering why we can't be as good at football as we are in other sports.
That rather disheartening state of affairs has only been compounded by the machinations of the transfer market, which has spawned little but fantastical rumours and unfounded speculation about grossly inflated fees and wages all summer long.
Depressingly, much of the gossip has yet to yield anything concrete and many major deals are seemingly stuck in a mire as boggy as one of those festival fields we remember from soggy summers of yore. Which means, with the transfer window not closing until the end of next month, we should be prepared for yet more of the same over the coming weeks.
Unless, that is, one deal acts as a catalyst for the others and a domino effect is kicked into action.
It was with some relief that Early Doors read Friday morning's newspapers and learnt that Luis Suarez wants to get his future cleared up within the next 48 hours. This could be that domino deal.
If the Liverpool striker comes good and ties up a move from Anfield in the next few days, not only will one of the most tedious - not to mention acrimonious - transfer sagas of the summer be ended, but it might also serve to spark the rest of the market into life.
Here's how Early Doors sees the next week panning out. Or at least how Early Doors hopes the next week pans out. Keep your fingers crossed.
MONDAY: Arsenal sign Suarez - Arsenal finally come good on their promises of signing a big-name, big-money player when Arsene Wenger goes against all his natural instincts and splashes £50 million to secure the striker's signature. Another season of persecution from the British press and the Football Association awaits the likeable Uruguayan after all.
TUESDAY: Liverpool sign Soldado - Cash rich from the sale of Suarez, Liverpool trump Tottenham by immediately offering cash-strapped Valencia the £26m wanted for Roberto Soldado. Spurs are left frustrated but can only have themselves to blame for dragging their heels over the deal. They turn their attention to another target, based in the Premier League...
WEDNESDAY: United sign Fabregas - Having seen Suarez join Arsenal, and fearing an impending title threat from North London with a decent marksman at the helm, Manchester United pull out all the stops for Cesc Fabregas. An offer of £35m plus add-ons is too good to refuse for Barcelona, who already have enough small, attack-minded Spanish midfielders in their squad.
THURSDAY AM: Chelsea sign Rooney - With Fabregas now on their books, United finally relent to poor Wayne Rooney's constant whingeing and allow him to swap United for Chelsea. The Blues have to pay £30m for the pleasure, but since when has Jose Mourinho had a problem spending Uncle Roman's cash before? The Portuguese manager assures Rooney he will never again be treated as poorly as he was at Old Trafford.
THURSDAY PM: United sign Baines - The cash from Rooney's sale offsets the purchase of Fabregas, but David Moyes has still been promised a transfer kitty to spend before the window shuts. He delves into it immediately, enticing Leighton Baines to join him at Old Trafford with the promise of Champions League football and a free haircut.
FRIDAY: Tottenham sign Torres - With Rooney now the main man at Stamford Bridge, there is little point Fernando Torres hanging about. An out-of-the-blue bid from Tottenham persuades Chelsea to cut their losses on the Spaniard and he moves across London to White Hart Lane, where he will attempt to rebuild his damaged reputation.
NB. Gareth Bale, a huge admirer of Torres, commits his future to Spurs, having been convinced of the direction the club is now going in. Meanwhile, Cristiano Ronaldo - another perennial subject of summer gossip - also stays put, figuring that the weather is still much better in Madrid than Manchester.
And there you have it. An entire summer of transfer speculation sorted in one week. We can but live in hope.